Donna stole our father’s button-down flannel shirts, wore them often, even though she weighed all but 95 pounds and was tiny, tiny, tiny.
My mother would say later that she did that because it was her way of being close to him. He ignored her terribly.
I often wonder if he even cared that she died.
I don’t think so – how can you miss someone that you never got to know?
Donna died at age 16 in 1976. There’s a huge collection of poetry she wrote before she died. This is one.
YOU KNOW? I DON’T KNOW
You know –
me talking to you
lately has been
bringing me down.
Because I know
that what I’ve been doing,
isn’t right.
It’s the same stuff
that I say and pray
to you every night.
And lately it’s getting
so that
I don’t do anything new;
at all.
I feel bad;
depressed.
And I want you to help me.
But you knew that.
You knew that.
You know –
me talking to you
lately has been
bringing me down –
God.
You know?
Down…
I don’t Know…
I love you.
But then why
am I doing this?
I don’t know,
I don’t understand.
I can’t seem to.
Help me –
Dear God –
If you can hear me;
Help me!!
I know I’ve done wrong –
but I’m enjoying it.
Is this
some sort
of a
sign?
I don’t know.
If so –
Is it good –
or bad?
Help me.
Help me,
God.
I just…
I don’t know…
D. Lehr 10/4-5/1975
Filed under: Donna's Poems, Memoirs | Tagged: Donna Lehr, poetry, You Know I dont' Know | 3 Comments »